Soul Survivor

And yes, I'm one of three finalists in the Restaurant Review category, which drew entries from every newspaper and magazine out there, from the New York Times to the Modesto Bee, from Food Arts magazine to the newsletter of the Cranberry Defense League. Five years ago, when only newspapers competed in a version of this category, I actually won it.

Still, just being nominated this year means a great deal to me, because if I somehow manage to squeak out an against-all-odds win against the likes of Colman Andrews from Gourmet and Brad Johnson from Angeleno, that will make me the first guy ever to take home a medal from the Beard House for a piece of writing that used the phrase "elf pussy."

My mom would be so proud.